The dream again...

I can't take this nightmare anymore. Actually it is a daymare now (is that a word?). I see my panda, my favorite doll from my childhood, with parts from all of these other animals and dolls, all sewn together. I know I have created this thing, this creature with the alligator head. I feel the pinpricks in my dreams. I've awakened and seen my bloody fingers... PJ says I must have bitten my fingernails, but I know better.

But I see the doll now when I'm awake. I'm staring at it right now, in the corner. It mocks me. It watched our test today. No better than last time. All embryos dead within eleven minutes. Teyshawn suggested a change to how we create the outer membrane of the embyo. It might help us limit the number of chemical signals that escape from the inner lining of the embryo... what the god machine creates. If Tyshawn's suggestion works, it might get us closer...

PJ says that Bobby is coming for a visit soon. I hope he will bring me more samples of extinct or near-extinct creatures. I need more data. THAT is what I need most of all. Data will give us our Ancestor... and my dream monster will mock me no more.

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My Dreams

I hate dreams.

Ever since I began working as a geneticist, I have had nightmares. I dream of dolls, with animal parts. I dream of impossible creatures, some Frankenstein monsters that try to kill me over and over... even through I know in my heart that I have created these monsters myself.
Even though the work I do will help thousands of people every year, help them receive new organs, get a chance at a new life, it scares me too. I can zip and unzip strands of DNA to create new life. I can combine the DNA of different...

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about this here. If Klaus knew what I was doing here, he would fire me... or worse.

But I know one reason I have these dreams. Because I have never made the time to have a family. Instead of a baby I dream of monsters. One day though, maybe I will have a baby. I can ask mr. colding to ... no, you dirty minds. I only need his DNA. I could hide things until it was too late for anyone to stop me. I am a big woman. I doubt anyone would notice me until I am ready to have the baby. HA HA

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Super Bowl

They are playing the super football bowl tonight. I like the one that throws the ball for the white shirted team.

I see it is raining very hard. They keep talking about the football being slick and slippery. They make footballs out of cow hide, right? I told mr. colding I think I can genetically engineer a cow that would produce tackier leather. He just laughed. I like it when he laughs. He laughs with me, not at me.

Magnus is supposed to visit next week, to tour our facility. He is the only man that scares me more than Claus. He is so huge. He played football, but not in the American league that has the super bowl.

At least tonight we have the football game. I'll worry about Magnus later.

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